Dear Voices in My Head...

renansa

Fuck you.

For all the times you've screwed with my head.  For all the love I've lost because of you, the relationships I've ruined because of the things YOU said to me...

FUUUCK YOU!!!

For the missed opportunities, the pain, the tears, the self-hate. 

I didn't deserve it.  So why did you convince me that it was MY fault?

You know what?  NOT ANYMORE.  I'm over being pushed around.  I'm ready to fight it now.  Because I'm stronger than I think I am.  I'm no pushover. 

Regards,
Sparrow

Dear Voices in My Head...

*t0x1c-d0LLy

I feel so lost and so confused.  My head is aching, my mind is numb.  What has happened to me?  I used to be so happy, a long time ago.    I’m not the first person out there who has become a slave to my eating disorder.  So why am I so alone?  In a society where this is so common why am I too afraid to reach out?  In a so-called ‘accepting’ civilization, we – the eating-disordered people - have become the lepers of society.
 

The problem is, how could any ‘normal’ person understand why we do the things we do?  I feel like a crazy person!  I just want the voices to stop – stop telling me I’m fat, stop telling me I’m ugly, stop ruling my life!  Every day I wake up and think, ‘today I will be ok’.   But it’s never ok.  I AM NOT OK!  

In a world where everyone is trying to be different, I ache to be NORMAL!  I see people eating food as if it’s nothing and I’m so insanely jealous.  I want to eat until I’m full and not feel like a fat pig.  I want to stop obsessively thinking about food ALL THE TIME!   And I want to feel comfortable in my body.  Mostly, I want to be able to LOVE myself.

I feel like I’m missing out on this wonderful life I could be living.  I see the all beautiful things on this earth, I see that there are some amazing people out there and I KNOW that it’s possible to be unbelievably happy.  I don’t want to be a slave anymore.  

So this is me, saying that I AM SICK OF YOU, VOICES IN MY HEAD!    I KNOW YOU WON’T STOP TALKING TO ME, BUT NOW I’M TALKING BACK.   

Regards,

Sparrow