Monday, September 12, 2011



“What I know is this: I chose recovery. It was a conscious decision, and not an easy one. That’s the common denominator among people I know who have recovered: they chose recovery, and they worked like hell for it, and they didn’t give up. Recovery isn’t easy, at first. It takes time. It takes more work, sometimes, than you think you’re willing to do. But it is worth every hard day, every tear, every terrified moment. It’s worth it, because the trade-off is this: you let go of your eating disorder, and you get back your life.” 

- Marya Hornbacher

Monday, September 5, 2011

This is who I am?

Hi, my name is Sparrow.

I'm a 21 year old journalism student from South Africa. I absolutely love to write - it is my passion!  Another passion of mine is photography, but I am incredibly afraid of this because there are so many AMAZING photographers out there - I wonder if I can really ever be as good. 

I have issues.  Sometimes I cry.  So basically I’m human. Sometimes I think I’m totally messed up.  I also have a lot of opinions.  I tend to think I’m always right.  People still love me though, but only the people who know me very well which is not very many because I’m so so sooo shy.

I'm sensitive.  Too sensitive - everything that people say gets to me.   My whole life, I've just been trying to get people to like me, probably because I wasn't sure if I really liked myself.  I'm still not sure.  But now I'm starting to realise that life is not about being liked by EVERYBODY.   I also realise that it's not necessary to be PERFECT.  So instead, I'm working on just being myself, whoever that is.

I love reading the news, listening to music full blast through my earphones and dancing in secret when I’m alone.  Sometimes I dance in public but only when I’ve been drinking.  I will ALWAYS wish i could be that girl who dances on tables and doesn’t care what other people think. 

Saturday, September 3, 2011


I refuse to define myself as 'the girl with the eating disorder' anymore. 

But if I am not that girl, who am I?

I've been so consumed with food, my body, my failures and my ED that I've forgotten about the rest of me.  And slowly, all those other things were stripped away until I my distorted body and food issues were all that existed.     

I feel like if I take away these negative labels that have taken over my mind, I am nothing but an empty shell.


It's been so long!  But I do remember there was a time when I smiled a lot.  Back when I believed in fairies and when I loved to lie on the grass in my backyard and daydream about traveling the world, writing novels and falling in love.  I guess that in a way, I'm still that girl. 

I mean, I don't believe in fairies but I am still a daydreamer and I still want to travel and write more than anything!  Can I be that happy again, I wonder?

I guess I have some figuring out to do.