I feel so lost and so confused. My head is aching, my mind is numb. What has happened to me? I used to be so happy, a long time ago. I’m not the first person out there who has become a slave to my eating disorder. So why am I so alone? In a society where this is so common why am I too afraid to reach out? In a so-called ‘accepting’ civilization, we – the eating-disordered people - have become the lepers of society.
The problem is, how could any ‘normal’ person understand why we do the things we do? I feel like a crazy person! I just want the voices to stop – stop telling me I’m fat, stop telling me I’m ugly, stop ruling my life! Every day I wake up and think, ‘today I will be ok’. But it’s never ok. I AM NOT OK!
In a world where everyone is trying to be different, I ache to be NORMAL! I see people eating food as if it’s nothing and I’m so insanely jealous. I want to eat until I’m full and not feel like a fat pig. I want to stop obsessively thinking about food ALL THE TIME! And I want to feel comfortable in my body. Mostly, I want to be able to LOVE myself.
I feel like I’m missing out on this wonderful life I could be living. I see the all beautiful things on this earth, I see that there are some amazing people out there and I KNOW that it’s possible to be unbelievably happy. I don’t want to be a slave anymore.
So this is me, saying that I AM SICK OF YOU, VOICES IN MY HEAD! I KNOW YOU WON’T STOP TALKING TO ME, BUT NOW I’M TALKING BACK.
Sparrow
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